Look. I know I'm not precisely qualified to write this (being a 15-year-old girl who is in the middle of trying to figure out the first relationship that might possibly become boyfriend/girlfriend) but I'm going to anyways. I know I've never had a boyfriend, but I do know a little bit about love. And it's sad but pathetically funny how badly guys mess up when they're trying to "get a girl". So I'm going to try to write this to help them out (directed mainly at high school teenage guys). All the stories are real life stories from my life.
I'm going to start by making a simple statement: girls want to be princesses. Oh, we don't want it consciously. We don't want to be in charge of a kingdom or anything. We just want to be princesses. I mean, have you ever known a little girl who hasn't, at least once, played "princess dress-up"? Every girl, somewhere in the depths of her heart, wants to be a princess. And we will probably fall for the boy who acts as if he would love to be our prince. How do you do that? Well...that is the question, isn't it? You give her what she really wants (to a degree, of course). What does she want? (Besides to be a princess, of course.)
A GIRL WANTS TO BE TREATED LIKE A PRINCESS.
It makes sense, doesn't it? If a girl wants to be a princess, she's going to want to be treated like one. Logically follows. Now the question is how to do this. Well, it's really not that hard. Just look around for what you can do for her. If she looks like she could definitely use an extra arm, help her out. Let her know that she is important to you. Treat her like you would a real princess. She is one to God, so why not to you as well?
Only -- you'll see the following phrase a lot -- don't overdo it. She doesn't want to be a GODDESS (or at least she shouldn't. If she does, well...she's probably not worth it). Don't WORSHIP her. She's not every guy's princess. She's your princess. And you are her prince. Treat her like you know this. And if you go around trying to help her with everything, she's either going to utterly rebel or be utterly spoiled.
Chicas -- One of you ladies is probably out there going "What the heck? I don't wanna be treated like a princess!! I am a WOMAN!! I am TOUGH!! I am STRONG!!" I have two words to say to you: Yeah, right. If you're ever treated like this, let me assure you -- it will completely melt your heart. Just you wait. And if you tell me that you've never played princess dress-up, then you're probably lying. If you're not, then you had a deprived childhood.
A GIRL WANTS TO BE PURSUED.
This has a lot to do with treating her like a princess. You have to let her know that you like her. Girls tend to be either clueless (like me) or uber-surmising (the girls who think that every guy likes her). The clueless ones really need a big hint. The uber-surmising ones get disappointed so many times that even as they surmise they're skeptical. So you let them know. Recently, I was forced to explain a note in which I had told a guy to tell me if he ever liked me. (I stated it rather cryptically, so it needed explaining.) I fully expected him to come back and say "No, I don't like you." He didn't. He gave me the opposite answer. And I had been utterly and completely clueless about it. And I would have remained so, if he hadn't said something. The uber-surmising ones are going to need reassuring that their surmising is correct.
But that's not all that pursuing is. Pursuing is making sure she knows that she's important to you. Give her random little gifts. Write her random notes. Tell her that you love spending time with her (that will go a really long way with some girls). Pursuing is not walking up to a girl and "hitting on her". It is a delicate, relentless, continuous, tender chase. It's not a one-time thing. It's the entire way you relate to her, always, all the time. You treat her like she's priceless, precious, irreplacable, amazing. You dash across the room to pick up her schoolbooks before someone else gets to it. You seek out her company over the company of your guy friends. (That really goes a long way.) When she forgets her lunch money, you give her your lunch. And remember, you have to tell her that you like her. Remeber, I said that a pursuit is a chase. You have to let her know that you're really serious about this.
Again, though, don't overdo it. A girl wants and loves to be pursued...but don't call her at like 11:30 PM and expect her to be happy about it. It isn't a full-time job. You can still have time for your life, too. You should be enjoying this, not seeing it as a duty. And don't pursue her for the wrong reason. (Wrong reasons: sex, outward appearance, etc.) Pursue her because she is who God made her. Pursue her for who she is inside. (A side note here, since this is where it seems to fit -- don't expect her to be perfect, please? She's only human (unless you're dating an alien, which doesn't seem likely). She's probably under a lot of pressure from her parents to do stuff just so and perfectly, and if you start doing that...it won't be a good thing.)
Chicas -- Being pursued is wonderful. It's the most amazing feeling you can ever have. Oh man, when my Prince began to pursue me, I was on the top of the world there for a while...actually I still am. It's a feeling that's pretty much unparalleled. Look, if you're being pursued in the way I just told the guys to pursue you ladies, you are going to fall for him (probably). So be forewarned. Chances are, he's a good guy if he's that sweet. And if you don't like the guy who's pursuing you, don't laugh at him. Guys hate being ridiculed -- they're amazingly touchy creatures. So there's your warning. (And yes, you contrary-minded ladies out there, you want to be pursued. You're just being difficult.)
GIRLS WANT TO BE PROTECTED.
The prince is always rescuing the princess, right? From dragons, and ogres, and giants, and evil stepmothers, and all sorts of other things? So you should protect your princess! You should protect her from stuff that she's afraid of. I, for example, have a great fear of wasps and thunderstorms. (I know, I'm strange.) And there was a wasp one day in the cafeteria. I happened to mention that I was afraid of wasps. A couple minutes later, one of the guys I was sitting with quietly got up, took his lanyard, and started to stalk the wasp. And while the Wasp-Stalker is not my Prince, I did like him for a long time. I also see no prospect of falling in love with one of the other guys at the table, who was trying really hard to convince me that the wasp was on top of my head. Also, my Prince agrees with me about thunderstorms, which doesn't really do anything to protect me but sure makes me feel a whole lot better. So, sympathize with her fears. Don't laugh at them. Do something about them if you can.
Also, protect her from abuse, both verbal and physical. If someone's teasing or tormenting her, stand up for her. (This goes a long way with a lot of girls.) If you know that her parents beat her or abuse her in other ways, get outside help. If someone insults her, defend her. Protect her.
I told you that you'd be hearing this a lot. Don't overdo it. You can't protect her from herself, and it won't help any if you try. Some things she's going to have to learn the hard way. If you see her going down a path that's potentially deadly (drugs, alchohol, smoking, etc.) I would say to interfere but don't chain her. Try to talk her out of it, but if she won't see reason, you're going to have to let her go.
Chicas -- Let your man know when he is being overprotective, but let him protect you. It makes him feel really good to protect someone. And I know someone out there is saying, "HEY!! I am WOMAN! I am STRONG! I don't need protection!" Oh, but you do. You need protection. Someday there will be a time when you need to be protected, and you will wish you had let your Prince protect you. So beware. And hey, being protected is wonderful. Nothing is more alluring and heartwarming than having someone fight for you. Hey, I'm still high from the time one of my friends chewed out one of my other friends because he wasn't treating me right. It's wonderful.
A GIRL WANTS TO BE INCLUDED.
OK, guys. Imagine this. You're going with your girl and her group to the mall or something. You're the only guy. The entire time, all they talk about is makeup, PMS, and hot actors. How would feel? Out of your league? A little left out?
Unfortunately, girls get this same treatment all the time. As the only girl in my particular group, I oftentimes get immensely left out of conversations about X-BOX, videogames, and paintball. And while I have learned a lot about these topics, I would much prefer talking about something that I actually know about. Hey, girls can talk about some pretty strange stuff! I can discuss Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, the Matrix (the first one) and the outside of the universe relatively fluently. So find out what she can talk about, and talk about it! Books and movies are pretty much inexhaustable resources, there are so many of them. And if she doesn't do books and movies, there's music, drawing, and a lot of other things.
Also -- and this is just a general thing, to be used on girls that you don't LIKE-like as well as your princess -- invite the girl that hangs out with your group to stuff, please? I mean, I hang out with a group of guys. I never get invited to their houses (except one's, and then only when he needs an extra for a videogame). I haven't been to a birthday party since fourth grade. (Honestly.) And let me tell you, it hurts when you know that your best friend is having a party and you're not going to be invited just because you're a girl. (And there are ways to get around the slumber party thing.) The highlight of my year was when my Prince invited me to a thing for his church. That was amazing.
Chicas -- you may or may not have this problem, but I'm pretty sure that all of us have been hurt because we "felt left out" at one point or other in our lives. If you say you haven't, you're either lucky or lying. And I know those that have felt left out will agree with me -- it hurts. Really bad.
And last but definitely not least, A GIRL WANTS TO BE CAPTIVATING.
Every girl wants to be thought beautiful. No exception. And we love to be told so (unless we're trying to keep our egos down to a manageable size). So, if you think she's beautiful, tell her so. Read "The Steward and the King" chapter of the book The Return of the King and find the speech where Faramir tells Eowyn that she's beautiful. Be like that when you tell your princess that she's beautiful. Be eloquent. Don't just mumble, "You're beautiful." Get her attention first and say it loudly and clearly. Or write her a note and tell her. I recieved a note like that from my Prince the other day. Let me tell you, I'm still amazingly happy from that note. So tell her that she's beautiful. And if she's not beautiful, she'll probably grow on you.
Chicas -- Here's something that I know we all agree on. We all want to be beautiful. And we all know that being told so will be wonderful. So no arguments allowed.
So, in conclusion, treat your girl like a princess, and you may just "get her". Good luck!















Comments
Now, I know a lot of people who would read this would think, 'not all girls are like that.' But this is a generalization and all generalizations are 'not all ---- are like that. And this is a generalization because it's true for most girls... I'd like to be treated like that. I don't want to be perfect, or treated exactly like a princess. That's too much for me. Like you said, -Don't overdo it.-
It is funny how badly guys sometimes mess up when they're trying to "get a girl." I know this guy obssessed with a friend of mine, and he is definitely going about it the wrong way. But too late. Oh well. She hates him. Hah.
However... you say we want a boy who is our prince... Normally, I would agree with that. But I knew this guy who treated me like he's my prince and I'm his princess, but I didn't especially like his personality... No chemistry.. good thing we don't talk much.
However, I wouild like the guy that I like to treat me mostly like a princess. ^_^ That'd be nice. Or at least more like a princess...
You came up with a lot of good points here and I don't have much time to comment, but I loved this piece so I faved it!
Kinda weird how good it is, and yet how little feedback you got on it...
But I liked it!!! You put a lot of work into it. I gotta read the book Captivating now...
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If you have to think about whether you love someone or not, then the answer is no.
When you love someone... you just know.
=invisible-inc |=PoetryPlease |~ProsePlease | ~TheCrittersCorner | ~RavenholmTavern
I was on a missions trip this week, and there was this guy who was overdoing it, kinda...but it was still kinda neat...
I don't have much time right now, so...yeah...
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בָּרָא אֱלֹהִים הָאָרֶץ
You're obviously alot more mature than the girls who just go out for a good time with anyone, just what you've said in this piece alone has me convinced.
Well I don't think I have more to say, I just thought this NEEDED another comment as it is soooooo good. (and helpful too!)
James.
PS. For you chicas who may be bit confuddled about this whole thing, one of my friends has written a sort of guide for chicas which you can find at
[link]
Hope it's as helpful as this one will hopefully be helpful to hopeful me... I think that came out alright.
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"One God. One Love. One Way" -- KJ52
Awww...thanks. I'm not all THAT mature...I can just do a really good job of faking it.
Thanks for your comment!!
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בָּרָא אֱלֹהִים הָאָרֶץ
Unfortunatly I tend to find being a christian makes me a less than normal guy, I have not had a girlfriend and im 17.
Also the only girls I hang out with are the ones at youth group and we tend to do everything in big 'co-ed' groups anyway. so no-one is left out. just ignored.
btw I have read a book by that John Eldridge guy Wild at Heart. i don't actually remember what it was about as i skimread most of it and I think I was half asleep at the time.
This should come in handy in the future. Hopefully. Heh.
Im not a hoplessly confussed teenage guy. just I spend more time talking to girls on dA and txtng, than I do in real life.
+ I know what u mean about the faking mature bit. heehehehe.
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The "treat her like a princess" part could be considered a natural part of love, after all, only a princess could rule a man's life in such a way. But when you think of it, it's hard to demostrate it. It's hard to find the limit between respecting her freedom and worshipping her in an annoying way.
"Treat her like you would a real princess. She is one to God, so why not to you as well?"
That's so true for me. That woman's perfection is the closest approximation of God.
Pursuing her is something I don't fully accept, but you do represent it like a very slow progression, a difficult process, which it is (I guess). I agree that Pursuing is not walking up to a girl and "hitting on her"; but I just don't know what to think about those guys who do it, and succeed.
Protection can be really important, and it's part of what makes a girl feel valuable. Even though some girls also like to protect (especially girls who are geared towards medicine, nursery, social assistance, etc), so the guy doesn't have to be hard and though all the time.
It's funny, I once sent a message to my beloved one telling her how amazingly beautiful she was, it was something very expressive and poetic. She didn't believe a single word of it.
I think the guide is missing something like "a girl wants to be understood". They like their guy to remember every tiny detail, from birthday, anniversary, etc, to they way they think, their opinions, likes and fears. It's partially covered by "find out what she can talk about, and talk about it!", but not completely.
A very informative guide indeed, written in a somehow romantic way. It really motivates the reader to give everything away for the one they love.
Kudos to you, dearie.
It's a fave!
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Omphaloskepsis - Contemplation of one's navel.
Your eyes are glazed! Have you been eating doughnuts again?
Mmhmm. Find the balance, and you're set, let me tell you.
Yeah, that somethimes happens. But how many times have you seen that happen, and the relationship has lasted longer than, say, three months? This way is harder, but it's also more rewarding.
I've read Wild at Heart, which is the equivalent of aforementioned book for guys, and it said that guys like to feel like they're protecting someone. (I reccommend that one also. Check your local Christian bookstore.) And I think the girls who like to protect are probably the ones who need protected the most, because they're using so much of their energy on others.
Lol, she's probably trying to keep her ego down to a manageable size. Small compliments here and there would probably work better...
I was planning on adding that, actually...
Thank you!
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בָּרָא אֱלֹהִים הָאָרֶץ
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בָּרָא אֱלֹהִים הָאָרֶץ
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